A Glimpse into the life of an (unintelligible)-year old woman who is ready to get a few things off of her more-than-ample chest! ..And who wants her Netscape-using friends to be able to see her 'blog in all (or most) of its glory!
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Disclaimer:Every post will begin with this text:"This post to be posted simultaneously on 2 sitesohregina.blogspot.com and my tripod site*click on the weblog tag on the home page :^) ...blogspot works best with IE, Netscapers use the Tripod site :^) Enjoy!"
GAH! I hope the blogsticker shows up, it says "We hold these blogs to be self-evident" Well, I had to put an "img src" tag in my template to make it show up...but the daily (almost) affirmation blogsticker doesn't show up? Well, it used to show up on my blogspot site, but not my tripod site...now not on either...weird! I used the same html code for both, they are both on the same image hosting site...what's the deal? Well, all this is leading up to the feeling of being out of control...I have done everything right and all of a sudden there is a (web)monkey wrench in the works! Because of this I will present a special edition of....
"The Daily (Almost) affirmation to the little girl", the little girl inside me who for 30 years or more has been my protector) I watched the Gilda Radner movie finally...the John Belushi looked nothing like him...but that's beside the point. Gilda talks a lot about being in control. I have listened to her audio book but didn't listen hard enough, probably I was not ready to hear it. She felt out of control when she was little, powerless, fat, but could get love from her father and feel safe. After he died when she was a teenager, she felt horribly powerless and out of control. She smoked, became bulimic and was a workaholic, she was skinny, but still felt powerless and incredibly lonely. When she got cancer of course this threw her into a tailspin, what could feel more out of control than cancer? So she talked about it to a psychologist from the Wellness Community, who asked her what was so bad about feeling out of control? When one has no control, anything and everything is possible. There's no reason to think that something bad will happen, it could be something good! Something wonderful! Embrace the delicious ambiguity! Well, let's embrace that philosophy. Next time we feel out of control, let's tell ourselves, Hey, what if something amazing happens right now? Wouldn't that be great? Or if something bad happens, well, it's out of our hands. Let's give ourselves over to the good hands of the universe. Yes, this is a difficult concept, but stay with me, I am here to answer your questions and help you understand. And there is always Susan, she will help us too. She is a highly trained professional, after all! For now, just sleep on it. Sleep tight, this to us both! I love you! ..and this has been the...
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Disclaimer:Every post will begin with this text:"This post to be posted simultaneously on 2 sitesohregina.blogspot.com and my tripod site*click on the weblog tag on the home page :^) ...blogspot works best with IE, Netscapers use the Tripod site :^) Enjoy!" New blosgsticker..I hope the thing shows up...I don't understand why my blogstickers up at the top of the posts haven't shown up, but the daily (almost) affirmation blogsticker does show up! WHY WHY WHY!?!?!?!?!?! WHINE! Oh, well, it says "We hold these blogs to be self-evident;" one of my own creations!
NICE day at work today, we had fun! It was busy as always but not crazy busy, so we had time to be creative in our work. Always a good thing. And I went to lunch for a full hour, also a good thing. And I am the happiest girl in the world, because I don't have to work this weekend!
Talked to my mom today, she and my dad are back from their cruise..it was to celebrate my mom's 50th HS reunion. She reconnected with a man who was actually a year behind their class in school (only 11 of 38 graduates were going on the cruise so the "junior" class of that year was also invited) who is good friends with her former boss. Both men live in Dallas TX. They took a pic of my mom & this guy to fake out the old boss. Too funny! Mom said the cruise was mostly hot but fun and it was good to see some old friends.
I am watching "Swordfish" on Cinemax, I did not realize it was so violent. I thought it was about intellectuals who cracked computers, not maniacs who kill people for fun! BAH! But Hugh Jackman is in it....ooooohh baby!
A few weeks ago on South Park one of the boys, Butters (last name Stotch of course), wanted revenge on the whole world, so he called himself "Professor Chaos" and started to wreak havoc...by, for example, switching 2 customers' soup orders at Bennigan's, and depleting the ozone layer by spraying lots of hairspray. Well, I read in the paper Wed about a guy who I think Professor Chaos was based on...here is the article: "Man Known as 'Dr Chaos' charged with vandalism Milwaukee-A man who called himself "Dr Chaos" and was accused of storing cyanide in the Chicago subways was charged Tuesday with committing 53 acts of vandalism in Wisconsin. Joseph Konopka, 25, was accused in an indictment Tuesday of targeting power installations, telecommunications equipment and air navigation systems in 13 counties. U.S. Attorney Steven M. Biskupic said Konopka caused 28 power outages that affected more than 30,000 power customers and cost more than $800,000. The FBI said he claimed to be the leader of a Wisconsin group of vandals known as the Realm of Chaos." Too weird!
So I sold my cable I had to connect my Clie to my cell phone...I sold it on ebay, and mailed the package last week. I printed out a mailing label on the internet and tracked the package, the USPS website said it was delivered 5/1. But to the wrong zip code, as Jordan, the guy who bought the cable, noticed. MAN! I am going to the post office tomorrow morning and explain the situation, maybe (HA HA) they will re-send it for free. I think they should, it wasn't my fault it was delivered to the wrong zip code. I had the address right!
Not much else to report, same old, same old..I had a free trial on Match.com, I e-mailed a few guys but not even a courtesy e-mail to blow me off from any one of them! GAH! MEN! Or should I say "BOYS!"
So once again it's time for... "The Daily (Almost) affirmation to the little girl", the little girl inside me who for 30 years or more has been my protector) Today was fun! We drew fun pictures and told a lot of jokes...and people told us we were funny..and fun to work with...what a pleasure to hear! See, this is called "being a kid again." It's not too late to start over, to be the person we always wanted to be, always knew we could be. Yes, we were tired, but self-talk helps, we were able to stay in the adult, to be productive, to keep going. And we will keep going. Going to Susan, who will help us be like this every day (Well, hopefully without the tired part) Good night, and speaking of tired, sleep tight! This to us both! I love you! ...and this has been the..
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Disclaimer:Every post will begin with this text:"This post to be posted simultaneously on 2 sitesohregina.blogspot.com and my tripod site*click on the weblog tag on the home page :^) ...blogspot works best with IE, Netscapers use the Tripod site :^) Enjoy!"
Just saw SpiderMan...it rocked! I love Tobey Maguire...he does angst soooo well! Of course, I scoped out the perfect seat, and then a man & woman sat near me (2 seats away) and starting talking...I moved away and could still hear them talking! Unreal! How do these people find each other? The personals? "Single white male, loves to talk at movies, seeks SWF to help him annoy the heck out of people!" Also (and this at the 9:40 pm show, which let out at 11:45pm) there was a small child talking and/or crying from fright (that Green Goblin is one scary MoFo) the ENTIRE movie, and apparently he was there by himself because I didn't hear anyone shushing him, or even politely asking him to be quiet. People who talk at the movies are made, not born...there's still time! Save him! Don't let him grow up to be an annoying idiot who talks during movies! There's still tiiiiiiiiiiime!!!
Yesterday was brutal...out of the goodness of my heart I worked 9 am-8 pm, I had visions of a lunch break around 1 pm, and then a break later. Well, it was a nice thought. I had 3 new admits with Chemo on the Bone Marrow unit (ok, one was high dose Interleukin-2, but it was took just as much time) and one chemo on 10 Tower. And I got paged out the wazoo, man, I was running all day. I finally went to "lunch" at 4:30 pm. I even got paged at 5 pm (I usually leave at 4 pm when I work days, how the RN knew I was there I do not know, unless someone in the pharmacy told her) BAH! I remained in a good mood, or a reasonable fascimile, most of the day, my "adult" was strong. Brenda, an LPN, one of my faves, told me she was so glad to see me, she said I made her life easier. That is so gratifying! Then she said she needed Procrit for someone, who was that? I mentioned the patient's name (a mother knows her "children," I told Brenda) and she was amazed that I knew who she meant....YAY! ME! I also heard from one of the techs that she enjoys working with me, how nice is that? Then another nurse on 10T, Mona, who is an AWESOME RN and a very sweet lady, told me she appreciates my efforts. How wonderful! Then she brought her dog to see me (she brings the dog in to see the patients sometimes)..her dog is a 16 month old Great Dane. She is black, which I didn't even know there WERE black Great Danes, I thought they were all brown like Marmaduke. She is very sweet! Mona, you ROCK!
Well I was exhausted when I got home last night, I collapsed about 11 pm, then a flippin' thunderstorm woke me up and I was up for hours on and off..BAH! Then I got woken up by 2 telemarketers, then finally by my brother-in-law. He said he would get an installer to do my downstairs bathroom in laminate today. Well, that didn't happen, apparently laminate has to "acclimate" to one's house for a while before installation, thus he will bring it by and hopefully, on May 21, it will finally be installed! Like I said, pray for me!
I fought bad traffic to get to my therapist's today, then as I was hustling my butt toward the building, a man said "Hey, if it's windy, I'd move up a car length or so.." I had no idea what he was talking about! So he said, "There's a big limb hanging over your car, and if it is windy, it may fall on your car." I said, "Well, I'm late! If it happens, it happens." He said, "Well, it was just a suggestion!" (AUUGGHH! Just like my dad!) I said, "Well, I appreciate it but I am late." He looked all hurt. That was not my intention, I am so tired, and I have a bit of a cold, so I probably had an edge to my voice, so dude if you're reading this, sorry, but I was late! My car means much less to me than my therapy sessions! And you will be relieved to know that the limb did not fall on my car. Of course, i discussed this with my therapist, including the last thing I said to the man (who knows if he heard me) before I entered the building, "That's your stuff not mine," as in, "You feel the need to express your worries, you are trying to help, and you have no idea that you are dealing with a very tired woman with a cold, who is feeling vulnerable and edgy, and is late, feeling out of control and unable to deal with you right now, especially when you remind me of my dad!" Of course it was some my stuff, but not all! In that spirit it is time for... (In case you can't see the blogsticker it says "The Daily (Almost) affirmation to the little girl", the little girl inside me who for 30 years or more has been my protector) Read above...the man was just trying to help, but we were tired, late, feeling physically vulnerable and out of control, and sometimes we will feel that way, plus he reminded us of Dad, thinking he knows what is best, and maybe he does, but we didn't take his advice. No one is cheery-perfect all the time, no matter what they may project to the world. We made a choice not to move the car, and nothing bad happened. And Susan was not judging us, I have trouble with that one too, well, when I am feeling physically vulnerable I have trouble with it. It is safe, in therapy, to express those feelings, those hurt feelings, because Susan knows where they come from, and if they provoke anger, she's not scared, she knows where the anger comes from too! Much of your life, you have been judged and criticized, most harshly by yourself! As I become stronger, I can help you to stop doing that. Hang in there, "kid," we'll get there, with a lot of hard work and with Susan's good help. I love you, good night, sleep tight, this to us both! ...and this has been the...
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Disclaimer:Every post will begin with this text:"This post to be posted simultaneously on 2 sitesohregina.blogspot.com and my tripod site*click on the weblog tag on the home page :^) ...blogspot works best with IE, Netscapers use the Tripod site :^) Enjoy!"
I couldn't make the blogsticker show up..it is now retired, but it said "You can't spell Grosse Pointe Blank without blog!")
So what has been going on? WORK! I worked Friday Sat & Sun in the IV room at work, man! Was it busy! Saturday was worse but today we were even more short-handed. Tomorrow I agreed to work 9a-8p, to cover for when people won't be there. I "made a deal" so to speak, I left at 2:30 pm today. That was cool, and I don't feel bad about leaving. There were plenty of people there, plus everything was in good shape in IV land before I left. :^) I was going to see "Spider-Man" but I felt sick to my stomach so I will go Tuesday pm after therapy. I am off Tuesday and work evenings on Wednesday so I can recover from my 11 hour day tomorrow! And hopefully I will get my laminate in my downstairs bathroom Tuesday...pray for me!
I went to my sister's last night for a "cake party" for my nephew's birthday. Well, I walked in and no one was there. I hung out with Matilda (the dog) and waited, then my sister came by and said, "Oh, the party's across the street!" Her neighbor had a cinqo de mayo party (well, it was technically on quattro de mayo but who cares? It was fun!) and my sister combined it with Josh's cake party. I didn't know this of course :^) So one of my sister's neighbors came up to her at the party and told my sister that someone had come into her house...it was me of course :^) I went over to the party...my niece broke the "age 6 and over" pinata wide open, it was so cool...she took one swing, no response, then the second swing and...BAM! Candy and treats for all the kids! I "bought" my nephew some Bob the Builder sheets and stuff (my sister got it off ebay, I paid her for it)..and I brought my niece The Princess Diaries on DVD..it's one of her faves! She was soooo excited! I was so impressed with the way she beat that pinata...what a grrrrrlll! I got some hilarious pics of her "driving" my nephew around in her Barbie Jeep. Very cute! I had a great time.
Six Feet Under gets weider every week! What's up with Brenda going to that sex party..and Nate is going to tell her about the baby with his old girlfriend! Those fantasy sequences get me every time though..it's like, fake-out! PSYCH!
My mother is on her cruise now for her 50th HS reunion...I hope she and my dad are having a great time! We will get together for a "real" celebration for my mom's and nephew's birthday, and Mother's Day of course :^)
How funny can Queer as Folk be? The guys are at the "Crystal Dick" awards, and the presenters had the same corny banter as at all those other awards shows...too funny! "So are you up for that best jerk-off award this year?" "I'm up every year!" "Well, maybe this year I'll pull it off.." "Don't pull it off, or you'll never win" Chortle!
A friend of April's, Aaron, had some nice things to say about my 'blog...thanx man! And to answer your question, I update the 'blog whenever I have time and am able to be coherent enough to type. I used to try for every day, that was the part of me who needs to be perfect, well, I got over that and now just post "whenever" like I said :^)
I guess I need to clear something up (besides the blackheads on my nose)...some people are confused I think about the "little girl" to whom I have been addressing my affirmations. When I was little I did not feel I had much power, and the coping mechanism I decided to use was anger...pushing people away before they could hurt me. I have to "own" this, it's hard to do but feels good. The 'little girl" inside me still feels powerless and the "angry part" of me helps out when I feel powerless. I am trying to empower the "little girl," to let her know that if she stays with my strong adult self, she can feel less pain, and more power! She can be the kid she always deserved to be...in that spirit it is time once again for.. (In case you can't see the blogsticker it says "The Daily (Almost) affirmation to the little girl", the little girl inside me who for 30 years or more has been my protector) WOW! It was so busy these last few days at work, but we have been soooo in the adult, making sure to take care of ourselves as well as the patients. We left early today, rested, then got some stuff done around the house, it's a good feeling. And we don't have to feel bad about leaving early. That is called being good to ourselves, sticking up for ourselves, admitting, in a way, that we can't work so many extra hours, but that is good. We have to know and own the fact that we are not superhuman, we have to have time off from work. Trust me on this one (and I know how hard it is for you to trust), we are doing great! Especially these last few days when things have been so hectic; we deserved a break and we took it...hooray for us! Good night, sleep tight...this to us both! I love you! ...and this has been the....
How many people have visited my 'blog since 3/27/02?